A Place at the Table @ Cafe au Play

The Family Friendly City - taking back the streets

In my last post that discussed the importance of improvised play for children’s development, I noted that “dense populations and urban environments create special challenges for improvisational learning.” I concluded with a promise to discuss some creative solutions to these challenges in my next post.

If we want to claim space for improvisational play a first priority is to reclaim our neighborhood streets and sidewalks. Streets and sidewalks are ubiquitous, accessible and contiguous. For any city, they constitute its largest and perhaps best maintained public space.  Unfortunately, the advent of the automobile has increasingly restricted use of the streets to the narrow function of efficient transportation. Non-transport uses such as lingering, playing, sitting, selling, and gathering for public debate have been discouraged and in many cases legally restricted. In traditional walking cities, children were a common sight on the street. Within and around the milling adults they played their ball, chase, and hoop games. Merchants also used the streets for display and for engaging the public. Pedestrians did not cling to the sidewalks but shared the roadway with horses, carts and other means of conveyance. My point is not to romanticize the streets of walking cities, because they could be unpleasant and even dangerous, but to help us reassert the idea that streets and sidewalks are public spaces first and that efficient movement of people and goods are only one of their multiple purposes.

In beginning to reclaim our streets and sidewalks, it is helpful to understand that we are part of a growing movement of activists and urbanists who have a similar goal. What is now a common practice of sidewalk seating for restaurants was only a few decades ago unconventional and illegal. Where once food vendors were legally restricted from public spaces, now cities are beginning to discover their important public and social aspects (see Project for Public Spaces) In Portland, City Repair has made it their mission to do “intersection repairs” by painting mandallas, building cob posting stations, and adding many other curb and corner attractions that are intended to reassert the public and symbolic purpose of intersections as places to “come together”. Portland also makes it relatively easy to have street festivals, marches, parades and block parties (click for application).

All of this is moving in the right direction but there are ways that individuals can do more, especially to encourage children to claim their sidewalks and streets. First, we need to get out of our houses, away from our fenced backyards, and onto our front sidewalks and streets. Our neighborhood on has developed a real habit of this. We are lucky to have a narrow street so it is easy and common to engage neighbors up down and across the streets in conversations. And if the adults are outside, invariably the children follow. Soon they will be on their scooters, roller blades, and bikes riding up on down the block. And with adults out front, neighborhood yards become fair game for kid visits. What was formerly a semi-private space, becomes a semi-public space. Dogs chase balls, kids congregate, adults sit yard walls and commiserate. It’s a real community time.

Parents on our block seem to have developed a process of informal exchange. Kids truck off to one person’s house, parents of the visiting children check in to be sure its OK, and, if so, the kids hang out there for awhile. Next time, it’s another person’s house or yard that is the location of play. It’s fun, informal and relatively fair. No need to set up play dates, the kids do that for you. Kids on our street seem to have a system for inviting other kids out. They simply hang out on the sidewalks and look for any action at the neighbor kid’s house. If things work out, someone comes out and the play begins.

On our street, there are lots of “eyes on the street” other than parents. Neighbors seem to have an intuitive sense of “how things should be” and become alert and asking questions if something seems amiss. And kids are not shy to visit. My wife and I are avid gardeners and this gets us out into the yard on a regular basis. For some curious children, this is an invitation to visit and ask questions. These are the best “teachable moments.” I also do woodworking out of my garage and this is another attraction for kids. Because I have lots of scrap wood, the kids sometimes bother me enough to get them hammers and nails so they can build a wobbly chair or box. My inclination is to leave them alone, but if I see them heading toward failure, I usually step in with a little advice. If I limit my instructions to a few hints, this becomes another “teachable moment”. 

The take away from this long post is that there is a movement to “take back the streets” and convert them from single purpose uses for car conveyance to the multiple purpose uses they formerly served in the old walking cities. And you can play a part in this process by finding a reason (conversation, gardening, puttering, lingering, playing with your dog) to get out from your private interior and backyard spaces into your front yards where you are likely to engage others. Your presence will be an invitation to interaction, for someone to stop and talk, ask a question, offer a comment. When that happens, you become an event, an excuse for others to gather.  Suddenly the semi-private spaces of front yards become semi-public spaces, for community, for fun, for engagement that blurs the hard boundaries of street, sidewalk and yard into a softer landscape of neighborhood.  And neighborhoods like this are inviting, safe and comfortable spaces for the improvisational play that is known to be so important for childrens' development.

the flight of the stork

There was a discussion last week over at www.urbanmamas.com that got me thinking, a discussion about the relative possibilities of teaching young children to be discrete about their growing awarenesses of sexual differences. Part of that discussion focused on what names we teach children to use for the sexual parts of the body, and it reminded me of this great book for adults, called The Flight of the Stork, by Anne Bernstein.

I don't know how easy it is to find at the moment, but it's an amazing read, a book by a sex educator who interviewed children of a variety of ages in order to understand the development of their thinking around sex, reproduction and sexuality. The difficulty the children experience in comprehending these experiences, so very removed from their own, and the complexity of their own explanations really struck me--but no more than the conversation I had with my daughter while reading it. She, then aged 5, had asked me how it was that the sperm and the egg had an opportunity to join together. Rather than responding immediately, I asked her if she had any ideas about that. She said--as had many of the children Bernstein spoke with--that she thought that there must be an invisible string that linked the man and the woman, and that the sperm and egg traveled along that string to be joined together. It was so bizarre an explanation that I would almost not have believed she meant it had I not just read of other children with the same explanation.

All of which is to say, if you're talking about sex and sexuality with your kids, this is a fascinating book that will really open your eyes to a world that is so hard to remember, a world before you understood the workings of your own body in an acculturated way.

Anne Bernstein, The Flight of the Stork: What Children Think (and When) about Sex and Family Building (Indianapolis: Perspectives Press, 1994).

The Sustainable Family, Green Tip #3: Toys for Baby

It's hard these days not to be drawn to the overwhelming numbers of plastic toys on the market.  They are colorful, make fun noises, and some even come with an educational tag, so most people see plastic toys as the norm.  But you wouldn't be so fast to purchase if you knew what was in that plastic.  Some plastics contain toxic chemicals such as lead and cadmium that are damaging to the brain and reproductive systems.  Soft plastics are even more potentialy dangerous because they contain phthalates that are extremely toxic.  Teethers, pacifiers, bath toys, dolls and most other soft plastic toys contain this chemical to make the plastic soft and suitable for baby's mouth.  Furthermore, plastic harms the environment through the manufacturing and incineration of PVC which sends chlorine, dioxins and other harmful chemicals into our biosphere.  And to top it all off, plastic never biodegrates.  Just think of how many plastic toys are filling up landfills or floating in the ocean.  Plastic is the bully on the playground that our kids would be wise to stay away from.  So, what are the alternatives?

Wooden Toys:  Look for unfinished solid wood toys.  These are safe for the environment and for baby.  Unlike pressed wood, solid wood won't contain toxins, sealant residues or urea-formeldehyde none of which are good for a developing child.  There are even wooden toys on the market that are made from FSC-certified wood or recycled wood.

Stuffed Animals and Soft Cloth Toys:  There are cloth toys available that are made from organic fibers such as cotton, hemp, or wool.  The colored fabrics are also nontoxic, and not chemically stained as are most conventional stuffed animals.  Cloth toys like these make a great alternative to those plastic teething rings.  Ultimately, these options are much better for a baby to put in his/her mouth.

Environmetally safe toys for baby can be found in many local organic baby stores around the Portland Metro Area. 

giving gifts

Birthdays generate a lot of feelings. In the new Fancy Nancy book (whose activities feature in our Spring book fair), they are feelings of disappointment and the resultant anger at not being able to participate. In Russell Hoban's brilliant A Birthday for Frances, they are feelings of jealousy and hurt.

But birthdays can be peaceful, too. Charlotte Zolotow's Mr. Rabbit and the Lovely Present, illustrated by Maurice Sendak, offers one such birthday. A little girl is searching for a gift for her mother, but can't think what to get her. She asks Mr. Rabbit for his help--a lovely, long-limbed rabbit who looks mostly like a man but for his ears--and together they wander the woods to ponder the problem. They consider categories and things: "'She likes red,' said the little girl. 'Red,' said Mr. Rabbit. 'You can't give her red.'" They move on to specific things and groups of things--vehicles, birds, gems, heavenly bodies--before finding just the right things. It is a wonderfully peaceful book, full of ideas, full of love, full of the woman we never see but whom we come to know through the things she does and doesn't like.

The Sustainable Family, Green Tip #2: Diaper "Doody"

    Did you know that over 18 billion diapers end up in American landfills every year?  Did you know that it takes up to 500 years for a diaper to decompose in a landfill?  Frankly, I think that stinks!  There are alternatives to those little plastic bundles and they are more convenient than you may think.       
   

    Cloth diapers.  My mother used cloth diapers for her children and she even laundered them herself.  Of course when we traveled she took along disposables for convenience.  She saved a lot of money and felt good about lightening her trash cans.  I'll admit, cloth diapers are not for everyone and there is little thrill in changing diapers let alone cleaning them.  But for those who are willing to give cloth a chance, there are diaper services out there.  These services will happily take away your week's load of dirty diapers, wash them, and supply you with more.  Organic cotton diapers are even available and the cost is comparable to the Huggies, Pampers and Luvs.
Green Warning: cloth diapers may not be the best sustainable practice.  Studies have shown that the amount of pesticides used to grow cotton, and the amount of water and bleach used for washing cloth diapers may be counterproductive to our attempts at living green.  Some studies have shown that climate and landfill capacity play a big role.  If you live in a dry climate with limited water and the landfills are not in danger of reaching capacity then you should buy disposables.  If the opposite is true, then cloth is the greener option.  However, organic cotton diapers are now available and if you wash them yourself there are green alternatives to bleach.  Ultimately, cloth diapers as a sustainable practice are dependent on many factors each of which you should consider.

Tidee Didee Diaper Service
www.tideedidee.com This diaper service is located in Portland and does all of the dirty work for you. 

Mother Nature's
www.mothernaturesbabystore.com A local business where you can buy cloth diapers in an assortment of colors.

Zoom Baby
www.zoombabygear.com They have organic cotton diapers in really cute patterns.

    Biodegradable Diapers.  Yes, they do exist.  If you find that cloth is too stinky to handle on your own, are concerned about the environmental effects of diaper services, or maybe feel sort of strange putting a diaper on your baby that was once used by another, then biodegradable is an alternative.  These diapers may still end up in a landfill but with a chance to decompose.  You can even compost them yourself.  And think of all the trees, plastic and hence oil you will be saving.  Most biodegradable diapers are chemical free and contain recycled wood pulp.  Stores such as New Seasons and Whole Foods have these in stock.  This is essentially a great option for parents who are hesitant about using cloth diapers but want a greener lifestyle.  The company gDiaper offers a very cool biodegradable product.
 
gDiaper
www.gdiaper.com
Possibly the best alternative to disposables that I have seen.  The company gDiaper offers diaper covers in several colors that have a replaceable diaper liner.  The liner is biodegradable and even flushable.  These are a little more expensive than buying the Huggies, but it's worth it.  Your baby will make a fashion statement in these.   

Abigail Cermak

no one was with her when she died

In preparation for the Cafe au Play Spring Book Fair at Barnes & Noble on March 8 & 9, featuring the ever-fabulous Fancy Nancy in her new incarnation, I'm posting book reviews over the next couple of weeks featuring books about insects and books about birthdays. It'll all make sense when you see the newest Fancy Nancy book.

Here's something that intrigues me: books about spiders are often books about death. Eileen Spinelli's picture book Sophie's Masterpiece, the story of a house spider whose artistic talents go largely unappreciated until she sets herself to the task of creating a gossamer blanket for a human baby, sees the full realization and appreciation of Sophie's talents only at the moment of her death. Likewise, Jenny Nimmo's The Snow Spider, for children 10 and older, involves a magical spider whose icy webs have the power to conjure up the spirits of the dead. But the best known spider in literature is undoubtedly Charlotte of Charlotte's Web.

Of course you've read Charlotte's Web. Maybe you don't own your own copy yet, or anymore. We read Charlotte's Web aloud again not long ago. It is one of the classics of U.S. children's literature in part because of the delicacy with which it handles the problems of social relationships: what it is to be alone and what it is to be a friend.

But more than ever before, it struck me on this reading as a profound introduction to American culture for children. The riffs on boxing (as Charlotte recounts the story of her cousin catching the fly), and on religion (when Mr. Arable goes to tell the minister about the miracle of the web), on the dreariness of scientific authority (when Dr. Dorian muses to Mrs. Arable about the likelihood of animal speech) and the canniness of observation (when Mrs. Zuckerman observes that it is Charlotte rather than Wilbur who is extraordinary), the peculiar combination of the comic and the lyric--all of these share some self-mocking quality that is intrinsic to the best of American culture, a refusal to take entirely seriously those things that we embrace, an awareness of their rootedness in a particular time and place.

My daughter claimed never to have heard it before, though I was sure I had already read it with her--and sure enough, there were passages that had her laughing, and saying, "Oh. I remember this part!" But there were things she had forgotten, too, big things--like the death of Charlotte.

"Last Day," the chapter in which she dies, makes it very clear that Charlotte will not survive--Charlotte herself says so. But rather than allow her death to become the focus of the chapter, White redirects the readers' attention to Wilbur's determination to do something for the friend he adores, and to the manner of her death: "No one was with her when she died." So the genius of this book, it seems to me, is that the death of the heroine is not the end of the story. And as a result, readers are allowed to grieve her death in the context of a life that goes on, in the context of the life she was so determined to save--in the context of Wilbur's life. The grief we feel is, therefore, the grief we feel for the loss of a beloved friend, not the grief and terror we may feel in the face of death itself. The specificity of Charlotte's death allows children to see that death is indeed a part of life, and that life goes on--not uncaringly or callously, but that it goes on nonetheless, and that we can continue to feel joy in it.

The Family Friendly City - places for improvised play

In the process of course preparation, I was looking for examples of how individuals use personal narratives as a strategy for building consensus.  It being Presidents Day, my web search turned to A. Lincoln who used humor and stories to disarm critics as well as communicate the essence of policy decisions.  As often happens with web searches, what we find is sometimes more interesting than what we were looking for.  Hence this startling vignette about Lincoln's children in the White House.

Gifts poured into the White House after the Lincoln's moved in.  Two of the favorite ones were goats named Nanny and Nanko. The president's sons hitched Nanny and Nanko to carts or kitchen chairs and drove them through the main floor of the White House. One time Tad harnessed Nanko to a chair and drove through the East Room during a White House reception.  Dignified women pulled up their hoop skirts as Tad drove around the room and out the door again.

Amazing! Could we even imagine such a thing today. Perhaps the story is apocryphal, meant to illustrate the well publicized difficulty the Lincoln's had managing their children, but, for me, the point of is how radically things have changed for children.  Such a carefree attitude about children's play and their permission to creatively engage their surroundings is simply unthinkable today.  And recent research suggests that the declining opportunity for creative improvisational play is not a good thing for children's development.

Children's play today is highly regulated, scheduled and directed.  It is focused on toys, passive entertainment, structured games, and achievement directed activities.  What is missing is the freedom for children to explore, to remake their environments, to engage in improvised play in places where parental supervision is at a distance.  In the Lincoln story, Tad was obviously engaged in improvised play, in using what was at hand to engage his environment, to be amazingly free to take risks.

For me, the Tad Lincoln story does not seem so unlikely. Growing up in a small Iowa town in 1950's, I can remember the freedom I experienced. My parents had little fear for my safety and had few expectations from their peers that they should be more watchful than than they were. Kids were expected to take care of themselves, keep busy, stay out of the way. My friends and I were master builders - everything from mud villages to tandem bikes. To build the tandem bike we went to the local repair shop and ask "Speed" Philips to show us how to braze the frames together. "Speed" stopped his work, showed us a few things, gave us safety glasses, tools, and his brazing materials and let us get to work. We took it from there.

When we were not playing, there was plenty of work to do. And the attitude of adults to our competence was remarkable. A few instructions and we were expected to manage from there. What this combination of improvisational freedom and high expectations produced were self-regulating adults who had a sense of their own competence.

I love to tell stories but I am not a romantic about the past. I realize that the freedom I experienced is difficult to recreate in a contemporary urban environment. There are few "wild" spaces, that is, few spaces that are not dedicated to something. Even our "open" spaces are owned for some activity or are restricted in their use. Ballparks are scheduled up, so it’s hard for kids to organize a pick up game. Kids pulling together a makeshift structure of limbs and scavenged material would be hounded by park supervisors for disturbing new plantings and damaging the fragile understory. And then there is our constant paranoia about the safety of our children who might encounter the untrustworthy stranger.

So what is to be done? How do we create spaces where child can creatively engage the world outside of their caregivers homes and just beyond the reach of their immediate supervision. First we should recognize that improvisational play is very important for children's development. Second, we should understand that dense populations and urban environments create special challenges for improvisational learning. Third we should understand that the urban environment is a creation of humans and as such is subject to creative adaptation and reformation. I will be writing about some of these adaptations in the future. In the interim you might want to link to the OPB story, Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills, and learn more about the research on improvisational play.

Charles Heying

the very hungry caterpillar and the tiny seed

Coming to the book fair at Barnes and Noble on March 8th and 9th? In addition to our various performers, we'll be featuring some crafts revolving around flowers and caterpillars. And I'm beginning my series of book reviews today with some related titles you might look for while you're there.

First, a book for babies and toddlers. If you're a new parent, you might not yet know Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Carle is justly famous for his gorgeous illustrations, formed as collages from handpainted paper. But his stories are just as compelling. This is the story of a little caterpillar who eats and eats and eats until, at last, he is transformed into a butterfly. Like other great books for the littlest children, it works on many levels. The story itself, a kind of tall tale, as the little caterpillar eats increasingly unbelievable quantities of food, always pleases toddlers. The progress from the quiet darkness of the opening to the exciting brilliance of the ending makes for a great read. And the story is constructed so that talking about the days of the week and about numbers becomes an obvious preoccupation for those who love this story, (since on Monday, the caterpillar eats one apple, on Tuesday, two pears, and so on). Carle has written abut other insects, too, in The Very Quiet Cricket, The Very Busy Spider, The Very Clumsy Click Beetle, The Very Lonely Firefly, and The Grouchy Ladybug.

If you're going to get another Eric Carle book, because you already know and love him, or because you're growing beyond these books for the littlest readers, look for The Tiny Seed. It's the story of a seed blown by the wind into the path of many dangers. But by virtue of its size, it remains safe--safe from the hot sun, safe from the cold mountain, safe from the wet ocean and safe from the dry desert, safe from the hungry bird and the hungry mouse. Along with only three other seeds, it has the chance to sprout. But even now, their futures are uncertain. In the end, only the tiny seed grows--into a huge and beautiful sunflower, that itself produces many tiny seeds. Like The Very Hungry Caterpillar, this book fascinates children who are learning about metamorphoses, from egg to caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly, and from seed to sprout to flower to seed. And more importantly, it really resonates with children who are feeling their smallness in the world, because of the way in which it suggests that smallness can be strength.

Pass It On Sale

Spring is coming!!!  Time to clean out your closets and turn that clutter into cash for Cafe au Play

Cafe au Play is accepting donations for the Pass It On sale held at the Hillsboro Armory April 11-13.

Pass It On is a semi-annual consignment event of children’s things - clothing, shoes, books, toys, equipment, furniture, and more – basically anything related to raising children from babies to preteens (including maternity clothes). http://www.passitonsales.com/pio-what.html

HOW IT WORKS:

• Cafe au Play is a registered consignor.
• Cafe au Play will receive 70%of the purchase price of all items we sell.
• We will be collecting, sorting and tagging materials for the sale.
• Unsold items are donated to a local charity.

To make arrangements to drop off donations, please contact
Traci Sullivan    ttsully@msn.com    503-577-6049

If you would like to help us with this event, we are having a Tagging Party Sunday April 6 starting at 1:00PM.  We are also looking for 3 or 4 very special volunteers to work a four hour shift at the sale to help us get an 80% cut instead of the standard 70%.

Here are some of the items that can be donated.

• Boys and girls SPRING OR SUMMER clothing, sized premie to junior, clean and in good shape (no holes, stains, etc.) This includes things such as formalwear, uniforms, costumes, ballet outfits, shoes, booties, slippers,etc.
• Maternity or nursing clothing
• Toys- must be in good working order and not missing parts
• Children's books, puzzles, movies, video games, computer software, etc.
• Infant equipment- infant carriers, backpacks, slings, strollers, Boppy pillows, play gyms, high chairs, bouncers, swings, bathtubs, potty chairs, play centers, walkers.
• Children's furniture
• Outdoor play equipment

For a more complete list of acceptable and unacceptable items go to http://www.passitonsales.com/pio-how-organize.html

Thanks, Cafe au Play

The Sustainable Family: Start with Baby

Let's face it neighbors...without our individual practices of living green, our impact on the environment is not going to heal itself.  We are fortunate to live in Portland, Oregon where there are the resources to attain a sustainable lifestyle.  My weekly post, The Sustainable Family, will be a valuable tool for all who wish to tread a little lighter and live in harmony with the planet.  My suggestions will not only be good for the environment, but for our communities and our families as well.

Let's start with Baby.  If we instill mindful practices in and with our children, then we will see those same practices come to fruition in future generations.  For those of you new to parenthood, there are simple solutions to begin your sustainable family.  Buy local, buy organic, live green.  Following is a list of local businesses that offer organic baby clothing, natural baby furniture, and environmentally sensitive baby products from bath gels to diaper creams. 

Harvest Moon Boutique
www.harvestmoonboutique.com
They offer clothing and accessories made with organic cotton, soybean and bamboo fibers.  They also have environmentally safe baby bath products.  A family owned local business.

Go Natural Baby
www.gonaturalbaby.com
Here in Portland, Go Natural Baby sells fair trade, organic cotton, herbal dyed clothing and bedding for baby.  Check out their natural furniture as well.

Mother Nature's
www.mothernaturesbabystore.com
Located on SE Clinton, Mother Nature's has a great selection of earth friendly baby products.  They offer cloth diapers and wraps as well as wooden toys and teethers.

These are just a few of several stores located in the Portland Area.  If you just search the web for natural or organic baby products, you will find the resources are almost endless.   That being said, I welcome you and yours to a new green life.

Abigail Cermak